Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Even my vagina gasped.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
