Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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