i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
