Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
