SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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