cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
