Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
