im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
