Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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