I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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