I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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