took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
