Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
