i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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