Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
