Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
