shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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