My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
