blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
