Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
