I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
