Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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