I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
