just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
