You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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