so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
