Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
