Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
