I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
