when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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