i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
