JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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