honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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