it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
