I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
