I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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