The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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