I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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