why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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