I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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