best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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