What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
