the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
