i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
