I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
