Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
