just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
