Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
