ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
