i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was like giving head to a cactus.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
