my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
