I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
